Bad Ideas in Power Rangers
by sulfur angel
Summary: I came up with some ideas for "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers", but was way too late to suggest them. So I wrote a couple of short stories based on my ideas. Cross-posted on deviantart.
1. Chapter 1

**(Author's Note: A while back, I came across the story ****"Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers" by Michelle the Editor. If you haven't read it, go read it; it's hilarious. About halfway through, I started coming up with my own ideas, but found out I was a few YEARS too late to submit them. So, I used the ideas I came up with to write a few short stories.****I don't own Power Rangers, the story "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers", or "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom".)**

**I am not allowed to film Com. Cruger or Isinia, and then send the footage into "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom".**

The room was silent, which just made the situation I was in that much more tense. I had been caught recording unauthorized video footage of Commander Cruger, and he didn't respond well to it. He responded even worse when he found out I had already recorded a bunch of video footage of him.

Now I was sitting in front of the SPD Base Disciplinary Committee. I would get the opportunity to plead my case, and hopefully lessen the punishment I would undoubtedly be receiving. Realistically, the best outcome I could reasonably expect was that I get a big, fat demerit on my permanent record, and get stuck doing the most wretched jobs around the base for the next few months. Worst outcome would be a dishonorable discharge, immediately followed up by a very long stay inside a containment card.

Commander Cruger, who was sitting front and center, was glaring at me. "Cadet Angel," he said, "do you know why you're here?"

Deciding that honesty was my best bet, I replied. "Yes, sir. I was recording videos of you and your wife without permission, sir." Commander Cruger looked surprised by that last part.

"My...wife?" I simply nodded.

"Yes, sir. How else are supposed to understand the species if we limit our observances to only one gender or the other?" Commander Cruger made a face like he just ate something that tasted really bad.

"I see. Thank you for that information, Cadet Angel. We were not previously aware of that, and will be taking it into consideration. Now, are these," he gestured to a stack of storage disks on a small table off to one side, "are all the copies of the videos you took?"

"Yes. No. Sort of." I could tell he didn't like my answer. The other members of the Disciplinary Committee didn't looked too thrilled either. Though, there were scattered looks of uncertainty, and nobody dared to speak up.

"What do you mean, 'sort of'?"

"Well..." I began, deciding that as I was already in this deep, I might as well go all the way. "I already sent a bunch of copies to "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom"." The room fell silent once more, my audience stunned by this revelation. I plunged forward, opting to go out in a blaze of glory. "It was a rough cut, but I did try to hit on some of the bigger notes. I included stuff like patrolling your territory, your exerting dominance over subordinates, eating habits, mating rituals-"

"WHAT?!" That last item in particular had caught the Commander's attention, and he was now standing, hands slammed down on the table and teeth bared.

_This is it,_ I thought. _I've reached critical mass. Well, it can't get any worse now, so I should just say it._

"You know, sir," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "If the whole Space Patrol-thing doesn't work out, you should really consider a career in amatuer porn. Some of the stuff the two of you did was really hot. Especially that thing you did with your tongue."

Once more, the room fell silent. Commander Cruger looking fit to explode, the other members of the Disciplinary Committee shocked and horrified, and as for me, I was quietly awaiting death.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Author's Note: Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers or the story "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers". Also kidnapping is illegal, and should not be done.)**

**I am aware that several members of the forces of good were kidnapped at an early age, and raised by the forces of evil. I am not allowed to kidnap a member of the forces of evil at an early age and arrange for them to raised by the forces of good "just to see if it would work the other way around".**

**I am also not allowed to arrange for a bumbling side-character to be kidnapped at an early age and raised by the forces of evil, "because I thought it would be an effective way of bringing down the forces of evil from within"**

**Or "because I thought it would be funny"**

I sat in the courtroom, staring at the Council. I had been caught doing things with the time stream I shouldn't have been doing, and now I was awaiting the final verdict.

"Cadet Angel, you have been found guilty of unauthorized use of time travel equipment, unauthorized time traveling, conspiracy to manipulate the time stream, and manipulating the time stream. Do you have any last words in your defense?"

"Just that everything I did, I did in the name of science. We all know that members of the forces of Good have been raised by and converted to Evil, but not once has it ever been tried the other way around! Think of the impact this could have had in Psychology and Sociology! That's why I took Miratrix and set her up with a new family - for Science!"

"We've heard enough - take him away."

As I was picked up and dragged out of the courtroom, I said, "So I guess this means you'll be dismantling my other time-experiments too?"

The guards hauling me away stopped dead in their tracks. The room grew very quiet, very quickly. After a few painfully tense seconds, one of the council members spoke.

"What other time-experiments?"

Carefully, almost reverently, baby Devin was placed back in his bed. The little goober had been asleep the entire time. Which was just as well; fewer witnesses that way. We were careful to put him back a few seconds after he had been taken. With the deed done, we made our way back to the ship and, once we were inside, released the Time Pause. The world around the ship resumed normal activity.

"What the hell were you thinking?" the Commander shouted at me. The other crew members were all looking away, focusing on their work or at least pretending to be.

"I was thinking that with his incompetence and clumsy shenanigans, Devin might very well take down the Evil Empire from within! It would save our allies so much trouble." The Commander just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Where-and-when to next?"

Farkas Bulkmeier and Eugene Skullovitch had been safely returned, and the Commander was giving me an acerbic look.

"What?" I said. "I thought it would be funny to see the Forces of Evil have to deal with these two."


	3. Chapter 3

**(Author's Note: ****I don't own Power Rangers or the story "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers". Or Steve Urkel.)**

*****Edit (5/24/2019): Tweaked the wording in a few sentences; the grammar was a little clunky and awkward.*****

**I am not allowed to teleport Steve Urkel into the enemy's headquarters in an attempt to bring them down.**

**I am also not allowed to film the ensuing chaos and sell it on a pay-per-view website.**

I knew the risks going in. This would be a dangerous mission, one that I might not survive. But the information I would be able to gather and send out would be invaluable, and might just help us take Gruumm down once and for all.

I would go in, posing as Death-Angel, a small-time mercenary and outlaw looking to get into the big-leagues. I needed work, and Gruumm needed boots on the ground on his side. Once we were all done with Earth, we could renegotiate my contract. If he liked what he saw, maybe he would consider taking me on full-time. And even if he doesn't, having worked for him will look damn good on my resume.

Typical mission set-up was that I go down to the city with a few dozen Krybots and some monster, raise some hell, do some property damage until the Rangers show up. The Rangers take out the Krybots, then the Rangers slug it out with the monster. The monster jumps inside a giant robot, Rangers jump inside their giant robot, and the giant robots slug it out. And in all the chaos, I've already slipped away.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Morgana and even more Krybots are quietly pulling off a heist of some sort, which the Rangers won't find out about until it's too late. Case in point, they probably won't even know about today's job for a least another hour. And even if they do figure things out before that, Morgana and I are already back on the ship, kneeling before Gruumm, heads bowed.

"Morgana, Death-Angel, tell me of your work."

"My mission was a success, sir," Morgana replied. "I was able to secure all the machine parts you requested."

"And by the sounds of it, my mission was also a success," I added. "The Rangers were kept preoccupied and unable to interfere."

"Excellent. The master plan is nearing fruition," Gruumm told us. "I don't need to say how _unfortunate_ it would be if something untoward were to happen to one of you during one of your missions, now that we are so close." I kept as still and unresponding as I could, even though I felt his eyes on me.

This wasn't the first time he had made some veiled threat against me. Actually he's usually pretty open in making threats; usually, it's something along the lines of, "Succeed, or I destroy you." Ones like these, though...he doesn't know exactly what I'm up to, but he has suspicions. He's made hostile comments about mercenaries only being loyal until the final payment, but that's not all - I'm sure of it. It's not quite time to make my escape, but it's getting _real close_ \- another week, maybe. After that, I make my daring escape and return with my ill-gotten information.

'And in any case,' I thought, 'I still have a few tricks to slow them down.'

As if on cue, a loud crash sounded out behind us and to the side. As one, we all looked over.

Steve Urkel was standing over a now-wrecked computer terminal. He looked over at us, eyes wide.

"Did I do that?" he asked, pointing at the terminal, which burst into flames.

Gruumm roared with fury, "You incompetent meat-bag! I'll _do_ you!" With that, Gruumm drew his sword and chased after Urkel, who had run out the nearest exit.

Morgana and I briefly looked at each other, before dashing over to another (non-damaged) terminal, logged into the security system, and settled in to watch the show.

As usual, Urkel and Gruumm were tearing through the ship, causing even more damage as they went. Hearing almost a crunching noise, I glanced over. Morgana had gotten a bucket of popcorn from somewhere and was eating from it. Noticing my gaze, she glanced back and held out the bucket, silently offering me some. I took a few pieces, and we both turned back to the monitor.

"I know I shouldn't be enjoying this, but I just can't help myself," Morgana said, partly to me, partly to herself.

"Well, you're not the only one who enjoys these little chases. Oh, and you were right by the way - turns out people _will_ pay good money to watch these two go at it."

"...What?"

"I've been uploading footage from the security feed to a pay-per-view website. Oh! While I'm still thinking about it…" I paused, reaching inside one of my sleeves, and pulled out an envelope, which I passed to Morgana. "That's your share of the money I've made. Thanks for the suggestion, by the way."

"...Sure".


	4. Chapter 4

**(Author's note: ****Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following:**

**\- Power Rangers **  
**\- The story "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Power Rangers"**  
**\- Static Shock**  
**\- A Prairie Home Companion**  
**\- Courage the Cowardly Dog**  
**\- Rated RPG**  
**\- "DA DA DA"**  
**\- "Rock Me Amadeus"**  
**\- Looney Tunes**  
**\- Family Guy**

**I'm pretty sure that covers everything I referenced in this story. All items belong to their respective owners.)**

**I am not allowed to update/upgrade Circuit with AM/FM radio capacity.**

The Team had run off to fight whatever mutant from the year 3000 Ransik let loose on the city this time, leaving me alone in the clock tower with Circuit. Business had been slow that day, and I was getting tired of sweeping the upper floors of the tower. Looking over at my robotic-avian companion, I got an idea which I probably shouldn't have acted on but still did.

"Hey, Circuit," I said.

"Yes?" Circuit looked over at me, slightly wary. I'd had less-advisable ideas before, and Circuit had had to talk me out of a few of them.

"You're a super-computer owl-thing from the future, right?" Circuit just rolled his eyes as best he could. He was still getting used to my archaic, layman-speak, but was more tolerant than when I first started. And I was learning, honestly, I was.

"Sure am."

"Do you have AM/FM radio capabilities?" My question caught him off-guard.

"Um, no," he replied, not sure where this was going.

"Would you like some?" I held up a screwdriver, my face split in a wide grin.

The ringing of the bell above the door downstairs was my first indication that the team had returned, especially since I locked the door and put up the little sign that we were closed, so please come back tomorrow. The second indication was when Jen shouted my name.

"Sulfur!"

"Upstairs!" I shouted back. There were barely-audible mutterings, then the tramping of feet on the stairs. Jen reached the top of the stairs ahead of the others.

"Sulfur, why did you close ear…" Jen trailed off when she saw that I was doing something to Circuit. "Sulfur, what are you doing?"

"Finishing up," I answered. "Just need to tighten this up...and...got it! Now, to pop the back panel into place, and I'm all done!" Picking up Circuit's back paneling, I carefully slotted it back into place, prompting a surprised "EEP!" from Circuit, who had been dozing off for the last few minutes, prompting an apologetic "Sorry!" from me.

By that point, the rest of the team had assembled themselves and were looking at me with expressions varying from amusement to uncertainty. It wouldn't have been the first time the team had left to save the city, only to come back and find that their knucklehead civilian friend had done something ill-advised in their absence. Katie was still hung up on the "Baking Soda and Vinegar Bombing Incident". But come on! That stuff washed out...eventually.

"Sulfur, have you done?" Jen asked, trying to not raise her voice.

"Just giving Circuit some upgrades. Check it out! We've got radio now!" I flipped the radio switch on with a click and began twisting the dial, trying to find someone broadcasting.

*Bzzt*

"Bmmph ffp bmmph ffp bmmph ffp-uh. Back it up! Back it up! Bmmph ffp bmm- "

*Bzzt*

"My friends, the liberal conspiracy knows no limits, no sense of decency whatsoever. You are not going to believe what they are up to-"

*Bzzt*

"Bm-_mmm_ hREE. Bm-_mm_-"

*Bzzt*

"And it says in Leviticus the second chapter the fourteenth verse, 'It is an abomination unto the Lord.' What does this mean, abomination? Is it a good thing?"

*Bzzt*

"Thank you for taking my call. Doctor, I've got these sores and lesions all up and down my left leg, and there's some drainage, a clear fluid-"

*Bzzt*

"That's one cup of sugar. A quarter pound of butter. A quarter teaspoon of cinnamon. And bring a half cup of water to a slow boil."

*Bzzt*

"Back it up! Back it! Bmmph mmph ffp-"

*Bzzt*

"And now, by special request, "Happy Birthday" by JP."

"Hey! One two three four happy birthday! _Happy birthday!_ Happy birthday!"

*Bzzt*

"That was "DA DA DA" by the group Trio, a favorite of mine from back in the day. Next up on our cavalcade of vaguely-Germanic hits, Falco and "Rock Me Amadeus"."

*Bzzt*

"And Jesus said, 'Take two of these oxen, and two of these sheep, for judgements comes upon you-'"

*Bzzt*

"Crumbly Crunchies are the best,

Look delicious on your vest.

Serve them to unwanted guests,

Stuff the mattress with the rest!"

*Bzzt*

"Today, in Tajikistan, a peaceful demonstration turned to bloodshed as members of the Turzirly tribe flooded Kenpao Square in remembrance of the third anniversary of the Hormsburg Massacre. But finally, some good news out of neighboring Kanduzi, as locals there have reached an uneasy alliance with the bordering Trolika Bubsie Wubsie Dal. And now with sports, here's Framptal Tromwibbler."

"From the world of sports, the Cointen Spinky Whompers flumped the Floing Boing Welfencloppers, 70-fluff to 40-flabe. At the tone, the time will be 26 railroad."

*BEEP*

*Click*

When I shut the radio off, the room fell silent. The team was looking at me with varying amounts of amusement, largely content that this was one of my better bad ideas, in that it hadn't caused massive amounts of property damage.

"I should probably mention, there really isn't a whole lot worth listening to."


End file.
